a mobile incident

A 20-year-old Taiwanese woman had to have a mobile phone surgically removed from her back passage after a sex game went horribly wrong.

According to a report by PA doctors in Taipei eventually managed to get the phone - a Nokia 8850 - out and said kinky sex games with her boyfriend has led to the rectal rumpus. Why a phone? Well, the vibrate function is definitely thought to have something to do with it. Whose phone? We cannot be sure whether she coveted her own phone or her boyfriend's. Or whether it was damaged in the ordeal (apart from olfactorially)

We believe this is the first public case of a mobile phone being used for such gratification. Well, internally anyway. And advances in miniaturisation have certainly made anal insertion a more practical possibility.

Our resident sexual freak, Dr Ping Reece had this to say over the matter. "She made a good choice in Nokia's 8850. Light, compact and with a smooth finish that will reduce the frictional effects. The vibrate is a good, deep shake as opposed to some modern phones that twitter rather than moan. It also has a slide down panel, which has helped me out with a few difficult extrications, I can tell you." ®

Please read this if you are simple


Now look here. The above picture is something that we knocked up in the office. If you check out the description it says "Artist's impression of what doctors might have seen". Of course it's not a real X-ray. It wasn't even meant to look like a real X-ray. It was a visual gag, a joke. The story, however, is true. Do you see what we've done now?

Incidentally, our technical correctness is indisputable. That is an X-ray of the relevant area. The phone actually is the Nokia 8550 and that is sort of the position that the phone would have been in, although probably not in such a beautifully posed way.